Our weakness is required.

I have been spending a lot of time in Scripture lately. I seem to be going back and forth between really good books (like Dance, Stand, Run by Jess Connelly and Through the Eyes of a Lion by Levi Lusko) and the Word to help me through this battle with pain and chronic illness. But I haven’t just been reading it. I’ve been digging in, excavating it, combing through for every last morsel of Truth. And I’ve found that once the Holy Spirit gets me hooked into a passage, He’ll then unravel it for me in a few different ways over the course of the week.

This week, for instance, I was led to 2 Corinthians. In Chapter 12, Paul writes:

That experience is worth boasting about, but I’m not going to do it. I will boast only about my weaknesses. If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:5-10, NLT)

Now, if you don’t already know this about me, I am a total nerd. One of my favorite ways to study Scripture is by dissecting the language. I want to know what the original text says. So much gets lost in translation; the Greek and Hebrew used to originally write God’s Word were so intricate and layered, full of figurative double-speak and expanded meaning. So often I find that when I examine the original text, I can find a whole world of deeper understanding!

Plus, it’s totally normal to have like, ten tabs open in Google Chrome with Greek Concordances, right?

Let me show you what I found in this passage.

First, when Paul says in verse 6 that he doesn’t want anyone to give him credit beyond what they can see in his life or hear in his message, the words see and hear are pretty much overlooked as you read through it, right? But they mean so much more. “See” refers to seeing something physical that then produces spiritual results. It implies action. “Hear” really means to hear the voice of God, which prompts the birth of faith within. Paul didn’t just want people to observe his life, he wanted them to be inspired by it, enough to make spiritual changes in their own lives. He didn’t want people to just listen to his message, he wanted it to be the voice of God in their ears, so that they might be given faith. He didn’t want to exalt himself because he only wanted to be seen as the mouthpiece for God, not the one getting credit for giving them faith.

Paul talks a lot about boasting and being proud in this passage. He tells us what we are meant to boast about — our shortcomings, our weaknesses, the places we fall short. He warns us against singing our own praises, taking credit for the works of God or the revelations of the Holy Spirit. This is so counterintuitive to us today. How are we meant to brag about the things that make us weak? How do we give glory to the weaknesses that trip us up? Those things, the thorns, that torment us — we’re supposed to exalt them?

He gives us insight into this, too.

He asked God to take away his afflictions. Three times he asked, and then God replied, “My grace is sufficient for you; for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (NIV) Then Paul gets it. He’s THRILLED to be able to boast in his weaknesses so that the power of Christ can be fulfilled in him.

I want to break this down a little, because it’s a big deal. We often separate out God’s words in this passage to cling to, without realizing the full meaning here.

What He is saying, based on the original text, is this: My grace, unsurpassed in strength, can bear your troubles. My miraculous works are brought to completion, seen to their end, in your handicaps.

In other words, God gives us His grace to strengthen us through whatever is causing us pain. And beyond that, He plans to use our pain, our handicaps, our ailments, to work His miracles. We can see His good works done through us when we boast about how little we can do. That’s why Paul goes on to say that he is happy for this thorn in his side! Because he recognizes that God can do amazing things through it.

This has sort of rocked me this week. I had been studying this passage, and was fascinated by what I was uncovering in it. And then yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt like jumping out of my skin. You see, I’m not very good at being real when it comes to my pain and what I’m experiencing with my illnesses. The irony is that hiding it really hurts me more; my doctors don’t realize how broken I am when I keep trying to be patient of the year. My friends have no idea what I need when I keep laughing off my pain and limitations. My family doesn’t understand what I’m going through when I minimize my suffering. And yesterday, I’d just had enough. I felt like I was being shoved out of my “comfort zone” of secret suffering. I wrote this, and I felt a huge relief to have gotten some of my angst out. And then I felt contemplative, as I often do when the Holy Spirit is trying to gently correct me on something.

As I reflected on what I had written and how I was feeling, the Holy Spirit showed me this passage again. I am supposed to be sharing my pain openly. I am supposed to be boasting of my weakness. And what was I doing by keeping it all inside? By staying polite and contained? I had convinced myself that in order for people to be inspired by my journey with chronic illness, I had to be positive and strong and have it all together. I was trying to do it all by myself, and not letting God come into this picture. Sure, I talked about how I was turning to God to get through this, but I wasn’t letting people see the true depths of my pain, or the true power of what God could do in the midst of it. I was coming across as this perky, pulled-together warrior of chronic illness. I cringed. I had become proud, just as Paul had warned against. My pride here was preventing God from working any real miracles in my mess. My pride was telling me that I had to be strong enough to cope with this mess on my own, in order for God to look good. Let me tell you, in case there is any doubt here, that He does NOT need my help to look good. My weaknesses do NOT reflect poorly on Him — or on me, for that matter.

We are given these thorns to keep us humble. To keep us reliant on God. To keep us focused on His glory, not our own. I am only strong because I use His strength. I only have courage because He gives me faith. Satan can keep me sick as long as he wants, because while I am sick and unable to accomplish the things I want, I get to rely on God to accomplish them through me. Satan can keep delivering these blows, because God will keep giving me grace to bear it.

xo,